I have a week of freedom left before I begin full-time study. During this time I’ve mostly been wasting time on the internet, but I’ve also been trying to declutter my online accounts. I’ve deleted a number of blogs and accounts so far, which has been ridiculously satisfying to do. Begone, old Wattpad fics. Fanfiction.net account, I banish thee!
Nothing on the internet is ever really gone forever, but being able to hit that delete button always feels like a relief to me. It also makes me doubt that anything I write is going to survive long enough to matter to anyone, because in a couple months chances are I’m going to be deleting this blog too, and turning to yet another WordPress under another ‘___ blogs’ name. My curse is never being able to stick to anything, and what it gets me is half a dozen blogs with three posts each, about eight email accounts I need to delete, and forum posts that need to be killed with fire.
It’s all because of the same reason the internet is so appealing I guess – unlike real life, you can share only your best ideas and moments on the internet. You can essentially create a completely artificial, heavily filtered version of yourself that you display for all the world to see. And it feels good because you know you have complete control over that filter. With the delete button, you’re able to take back anything you’ve decided you don’t want attached to you anymore. Convenient.
So yeah, as good as getting rid of all my accounts feels, it’s making me think a lot about what the point is in writing anything on the internet at all. I don’t write many original posts on Tumblr because I figure I’m just going to have to go back and delete them later. Is there any point in writing on this blog even? And why after so long am I still making more accounts? Why write under so many different names when everyone knows they don’t belong to me?